Finally: Freak Out!

"Ai Yin ah.. You know when to pass up our thesis or not?"
"Har? Week 13 or 14 la..."
"No. Is Week 12. Pn. Khaza just informed us."
"What?!!!"

That's it! Must force myself back to thesis mode!
Freak out time!!!!

G.A.Y

Another Saturday has passed....

I spent my whole day in my room.
Recall back everything that I had enjoyed for the whole week.

And bring them back to dream as I doze off for most of the time.

Brought those happening stuff into it and enjoy it.

That's what most people enjoyed when their eyes are closed.

But, however, there are things that I recalled and I just can't ignored them.

Things that keep me awake before another doze.

Things that I wished I can help.

But I just dunno how.

I was stunt

I was speechless.

I just dunno what to do.

And I am still the same now.

Though I looked GAY.

Activities come in and out of my life this week.

I spend time with my large group of friends.

Yeah... That was the fun part.

But when midnight comes...

"They" come to haunt me.

Those sad stuff and things that I worry about haunt me back.

I just wished that I could blocked it.

But there is not point of it.

It will still haunt me no matter what.

Is either I solve it or it will haunt me for the rest of my life.

That's G.A.Y's World of Life.

However, the truth is...

I don't care much about that.

I do not care much what was torturing and haunting ON me.

I do not care what are the things that I'll need to face if I neglect it.

This is G.A.Y!

What I care most are those people around me.

And most importantly, I care about those whom I call them my friend.

That's me.

This is GAY.

Whenever I see tear drops in their heart,

I fell the pain.

Whenever I see it,

I'll always pray;

How I wish I could help them bear the pain and suffering?

How can I help them to ease their pain?

How can I make things to cheer them up?

But at the same time, I know the fact that I can't do all that.

That's what I hate most of the time about me.

Cause I just do not know how!

I just don't know how to put them back in GAY mood.

Oh, now I can only hope that they will be given the strength to bare all those things.

And hope that they will recover soon by finding the way out.

As I'm sitting on my bed typing this stuff out, I know some of my friends, not one, but few of them is struggling with the sadness, worries and problems. But what do I do?

NOTHING!

G.A.Y does nothing at all.

Yes! This is GAY who don't know how to make people GAY!

How bad this G.A.Y is!

How can G.A.Y be GAY when they are not GAY!

G.A.Y is your useless friend!

And I admit it.

Yesterday & Today

I'm so slow....
Damn slow....

Now ad week 6, going to Week 7 of this final semester.
Sigh... From the beginning I'm really in no mood and interest to do a thesis.

Thanks to Szetoo Weiwen!

Encouraging me to do it!

Thanks a lot, my fren...

Hmm.... back to the story then...

I was just too tired on Thursday! Eyes were so heavy although the night is still so young.

Then I decided to take a "nap". Supposing I wanted to sleep for 30mins but...

Yeah... I slept for an extra 2hours. Now, when I woke up is already past midnight.

Oh no...

Slowly I force myself to climb out of my cozy bed. Washed my face and drown myself among those thick books. Hmm... Read not even one chapter, or probably half the page of the first book, I lost my concentration. I really can't concentrate on reading whenever the content doesn't interest me. I'll browse over youtube.com, facebook.com, and so on... do a lot of things but none of it related to my thesis.

In my mind....

"Ai Yin!!! What are you doing?! You must do your thesis."

Well that works...
Quickly I force myself to "thesis mode".

But then, again. I lost my concentration easily.

Dilly dally dilly dally...
The whole night I din sleep.

Erm.. got la... 2hrs. Then I've to get ready for class d...

Afternoon, I went to PJ to collect my pay.

Then at evening, I went to work.

By the time I come home (at last), it's already past midnight. Then, only I ate my dinner.

Why so late?

Cause during the daytime my tummy sick. That's why...

Why work so hard?

$$ Vitamin-M $$

I ate and online at the same time. Browse through my my email and FB. Chit chat and and watched Crayon Shin Chan.

Not that I'm aware of. I dun know when and how, I slept.

What I know is when I opened my eyes, with my hands is on the keyboard (no kidding. In typing position some more)

I only know that around 2.30am, I was still online.

Well, the next morning...

I woke up at 10.30am. Then, I went to my aunty's house.

What I do there?

I get all my trousers washed.

I brought the thick books there and also my camera, of course!

Thought can read there. But as usual. I'M NOT IN THE MOOD!!!!

So I play around with my cousins.

And with camera.

My little cousin used my compact camera (Kodak M860). I used the camera loan from Sony (A300).

And I discovered something...

These are some of the photos she took. She's 6... what was I doing when I was six? I dunno. One thing for sure, I dun play with camera. I din teach her at all. She take whatever she likes. These are only few of what she took.

And here are some of mine.

Here you go.... 14+15 = F.U.N + T.I.R.E.D

It'll Never Be The Same

Raining again...

A good day to sleep.
However, I have to force my sleepy eyes to stay wide open.
Sitting in my room alone, I think back what happened in class today.

I saw one of my friends walked in.
Saw her face.
I could tell, she's not in her happy mood. For her smiling face I used to see is no longer there.

It brought me to flash back my memory to 7 years back.
I went through what she went through.
It really hurts.

Losing someone you loved the most, where:
you will never hear the voice called out your name,
you'll never see the smile,
you'll never see the sad face,
you'll never see every single thing of the people you lost.

The only thing I have, is the memories we once had together.

She protected me whenever I need to face the pain of cane.
She carried me whenever I fall.
She gave me money, cause she knew I need it.
Most importantly, she shelter me and everyone else under her love and care whenever any of us need it.

Her lost is not sudden. She fights like a warrior to stay alive. Cancer has ripped her away from us.

Before her death, to me, "DEATH" is nothing.
Is just a cycle of life. If your loved one is gone, then, that's it. They are gone, we the one who are still alive, just carry on. It's just so simple.

But by the time I faced it, I was totally wrong.

Hmm.... It still smell very fresh. (my memory)

7.30pm - 180101
I was enjoying the dramatic scene of the HK drama series. But, the ringing of the phone interrupted my focus.

The phone call itself has bring another new chapter of drama in my life.

"She's gone. She'll never come back"
"Liar! Liar! Liar! You must be kidding me!"

Being alone in that house with my younger sister, never know what to do.
To break the news to my sister is not easy.
As I put down the phone, I, be as tough as possible. As tough as I can hold back my tears. I let the news out of my lips. Her reaction is just the same as I was.
Her grieve and tears, however has soften everything that I had try to hold back earlier.
I let my sadness out. I let my tears stream down my cheeks. I just couldn't hold back any longer.
I felt my colourful world turns to grey all of the sudden.
The agony, the pain, it's killing me.

I'll never have the chance to drive her around.
I'll never have the chance to show her my success.
I'll never have the chance to see and hear her.
For now, she's so far away, which I'll never know where.

Everyone has their bad and good.
However, till today, all I remember is her goodness.
What are the bad things about her?
I have forgotten.

"Do take care of the younger cousins. You're the eldest."

But I'm in no strength to do it, granny. Cause things is not the same anymore when you're around.
Everyone seems to take their own path now.
Not like we used to be. We work everything out together.

I still remember the day when I was on my way to my Diploma Convocation ceremony.

The sun was shinning brightly. I was running late. When I reached college, ran up the slop the to the college hall. Every step I took, my heart feel the joy and sadness. Half way through, I look into the sky.

"I've made it, granny. Can you see me now? Me, with my success."

I almost cried. For she can't be there to attend my convocation. How I wished she could. However, I might also disappointed her is she is there. For the last thing she told me was...

"Study hard and be a doctor. Then, you can help others."

I'm sorry, granny. That was my dream. But I've to let it go for I've screwed it up in the middle of the journey to success. But I believe I still can success in the other path I am on now. I'll work it out, no matter what.

For quite some time after her death, every time I saw an old lady passed by or any family or children surround their grandma, I was jealous. For I wished I could enjoy more time with granny just like them.

However, today, I'm back tough again. It doesn't I've forgotten her. I just have to.

It's just that I need to be tough to achieve the mission given by her. It is...

Bring back the good old days!

Here I Am Again!

What a day!
Went back to Malacca yesterday!
Not even 24hours i spend my time with my family. I've to rush back to KL.
For one stupid reason; attend the so called "SEMINAR" which was made compulsory.

Slept not even 2 hours the night in Malacca, I've to force my damn sleepy eyes to open to get ready for KL. But luckily, in the 2 hours journey back to KL I managed to sleep another 90mins.
That also when i reached Pudu station, I've to force my eyes to open and my butt to get out of the "couch". So. I'm the last person to get out of the bus!

So, after getting down from the bus, i loook at my watch, well I think I can make it on time to there. Hmm, but as I walk to the Pasar Seni station which was 15-20mins journey I think, i was thinking whether to drive to DKAB? or take a cab.

As I was thinking, there were couple of things happened along the journey.

An old uncle met an accident. I'm not quite sure what happend to him but he was sitting on the border of the roadside. There were some men stood around him. I managed to take a glance to see whether there is any serious injury. But thank god, just a minor one. Some skin peels off from the left ankle. Many people usually try to not to look at accidents location, but I'm different. I wanna know. This is what we called busybody... But I'm busy

Next, suddenly a guy on a bike approach me. Carrying two (2) precious things at that time makes me extra alert. Hold tight my sling bag and look at him. Moreover, I was walking by the main road. And you people also know la... Snatch thief thing can happen anytime... Somemore in this busy city.

"Xiao jie, ching wen na ge ..... xue xiao, ni dong zai na li ma?"
"Har? Se mo xue xiao ah?"
"... xue xiao"
"Sorry ah... wo bu zi dao."
wahahaha... he approached the wrong person ad...
I'm KL Newbie... how will I know...
And actually, I also dun know what's the school name he was telling. Can't hear it properly.
Sounds like "xiao xue xiao" (crazy school)
Hmm.. it sounds so wrong... I guess, I just din hear it properly la...
But luckily nothing happens... But, he "pun satu". Suddenly break his bike beside me and ask me route. Make me "terkejut" also... Moreover, there were so many things playing in my mind at that time. Sigh... Anyway, thank god ntohing happened la. He just sped off after saying thank you!

Being very tired for these couple of days, since the Canon Asia Photography Marathon, this is the first time i make my decision to sit in the LRT. Cause usually if I'm alone, I'll prefer to stand.
Dun ask me why, that habit is born natural.
I sit and doze off a while.
By the time i reached Wangsa Maju LRT station, it's already 0945hours. Hmm, at last i made up my mind to rush back to my condo parking lot to take my car. It's a 5-10mins walk. Another walk.. Haiz... But have to lo.. Cause if not I've to take cab.
Is ok to take cab actually, but at that time, my purse contained a note of 50. Some taxi drive will make a lot of fuss us you pay them in such a big note. If the taxi driver good, never mind, he'll said, u give what small amount of money you have with you to him. But if a bad one, they'll ask you to seek for the small amount of money to pay him. He dun care if you rob or beg or change with someone.
That's why I take my car la... Already have to rush back from Malacca, I dun wanna get scolding for one stupid thing. That's why...

Wah, the weather was so sunny... Wearing my white hooded jacket from Malacca, I've got no time even to stop to take it out. I LRT, I forget about it cause it's air-conditioned, what...
So, can you imagine I walked back to my condo, under the hot sun and the jacket wrap my body?
I feel like I'm in oven, but I try not to think about it at that time. Cause I'm RUNNING OUT OF TIME!!!

When i get my car, I checked my cellphone. Still not news on where is the "SEMINAR".
So I decided to call JC our course as well as class rep.

"Hello JC ah... Where is the seminar going to be held?"
"Where are you now?"
"I'm now back in Wangsa. Just reached."
"Erm... I'm sorry to tell you, I've got a bad news. The office made a mistake on the date. The "SEMINAR" is next week. Not this week."
"WHAT?!"

Oh... there it goes..... That's how my 031108 starts in KL....